So I know this girl whose situation kinda makes me sad, so I thought I’d write about it.
I’ve known her for quite a while. In Jr. High all she dreamt about was being a mother. It didn’t seem like one of those “I want to be married soooo bad one day” things. Not at all. It was all about the children. She loved children. Her aunt had a professional daycare that she loved to go to and visit. She babysat a lot and the kids loved her. She could take care of babies a couple weeks old to children who were almost her age. Her whole existence was about family, especially about her own one day. She knew that someday she’d be a good mother.
Her dreams continued throughout high school and college. Now, seriously, do NOT get me wrong – she wasn’t ever focused on marriage, marriage, marriage. She did dream of getting married, but not for the wedding day. It was for the rest of the life experiences that came with marriage. The trials, the good times, the children, the companionship…. It was everything. From the way she talked, it seemed as though she’d never actually given a second thought to the dress she’d wear, the colors she’d have for the reception, or the time of year she’d prefer the wedding to be. It wasn’t about the day like it was for so many other girls I knew (which got SO old SO fast!).
Toward the end of college, a series of unfortunate events began happening. Eventually they interfered with the promise of her dream of a family – the husband, the children, the whole package. I’ve rarely seen anyone so down. The light in her eyes is dead, when she talks and isn’t putting up a front, her voice is dull; she’s stopped caring about anything. Around most everyone she’s got a rather good mask she wears. It seems that people can’t tell something is wrong now. No one knows her biggest dream has died, and with it, a part of her. Even her close friends, though, who do see more of her, don’t see the whole of her. She hides from us a little. I think it’s so that we won’t feel as bad for her as we would. But I can see there’s more to it than she’s letting on. I kinda wish she could just talk, but I understand how it goes – sometimes, even when you want to, you just don’t have the words. And then there’s the hesitancy to worry others more than is necessary. So I can see her point of view in hiding a little, even from those close to her.
It doesn’t look like she’s going to make it much longer and she has welcomed the idea. That dream was everything to her and to live without it, to never be a mother she says isn’t worth living without; she’d rather this be the end anyway. The idea has made me cry sometimes. She’s working on saying goodbye to those she loves, getting things wrapped up before she isn’t here anymore, and it’s lucky that she’s got the time. But it’s kinda sad to me. I put myself in her shoes and real tears form. I hope things will be happier for her “on the other side.” Kinda makes you wonder what the hell this life is for.
I’ve known her for quite a while. In Jr. High all she dreamt about was being a mother. It didn’t seem like one of those “I want to be married soooo bad one day” things. Not at all. It was all about the children. She loved children. Her aunt had a professional daycare that she loved to go to and visit. She babysat a lot and the kids loved her. She could take care of babies a couple weeks old to children who were almost her age. Her whole existence was about family, especially about her own one day. She knew that someday she’d be a good mother.
Her dreams continued throughout high school and college. Now, seriously, do NOT get me wrong – she wasn’t ever focused on marriage, marriage, marriage. She did dream of getting married, but not for the wedding day. It was for the rest of the life experiences that came with marriage. The trials, the good times, the children, the companionship…. It was everything. From the way she talked, it seemed as though she’d never actually given a second thought to the dress she’d wear, the colors she’d have for the reception, or the time of year she’d prefer the wedding to be. It wasn’t about the day like it was for so many other girls I knew (which got SO old SO fast!).
Toward the end of college, a series of unfortunate events began happening. Eventually they interfered with the promise of her dream of a family – the husband, the children, the whole package. I’ve rarely seen anyone so down. The light in her eyes is dead, when she talks and isn’t putting up a front, her voice is dull; she’s stopped caring about anything. Around most everyone she’s got a rather good mask she wears. It seems that people can’t tell something is wrong now. No one knows her biggest dream has died, and with it, a part of her. Even her close friends, though, who do see more of her, don’t see the whole of her. She hides from us a little. I think it’s so that we won’t feel as bad for her as we would. But I can see there’s more to it than she’s letting on. I kinda wish she could just talk, but I understand how it goes – sometimes, even when you want to, you just don’t have the words. And then there’s the hesitancy to worry others more than is necessary. So I can see her point of view in hiding a little, even from those close to her.
It doesn’t look like she’s going to make it much longer and she has welcomed the idea. That dream was everything to her and to live without it, to never be a mother she says isn’t worth living without; she’d rather this be the end anyway. The idea has made me cry sometimes. She’s working on saying goodbye to those she loves, getting things wrapped up before she isn’t here anymore, and it’s lucky that she’s got the time. But it’s kinda sad to me. I put myself in her shoes and real tears form. I hope things will be happier for her “on the other side.” Kinda makes you wonder what the hell this life is for.
I never know why things happen the way they do. Sometimes I can figure it out and sometimes I wont be able to figure it out until after death. I think until then I have to keep faith that things will work and whatever is happening is happening for the best. One day your friend will understand why this hard time is happening to her and won't change a thing.
ReplyDelete(sorry I got preachy for a bit)