Oh how I love these things: my car, my iPhone, my iPod, energy shots, the idea of having a laptop, organizing my agents’ folders. Can I think of anything else? These are some of my obsessions. Just some, mind you. And right now, all I can think of is … well, not them, actually. I can’t think at all right now. I can’t focus! O’ whatever shall I do, whatever shall I do?
I wonder how Shakespeare wrote like that with the O’s and the thou’s and thee’s, wilt’s and shalt’s? And how the hell did we evolve from that kind of language to this now? I sure am not complaining! I prefer this language by far. Have you ever heard Old English? Sounds like German. No wonder German is easier to understand than any other language without ever having studied it. Entertains me, really.
Another thing that entertains me is how they just make up words. That’s what I hear, anyway, from someone who used to live there. If they don’t have a word for it, they combine words and make one really long word to describe what they’re trying to get across. I think that is genius! Something liiiiike…”I’m in the mood to do something spontiferous.” See? Spontaneous and Terrific (ish) at the same time. “Has to be a great activity. I have to be overly excited about this spontaneous event! No movies. Those are just spontinomal.” (Spontaneous yet normal.) I got this down.
So this blogging thing is calming down my ADD. This is good since I have to be here extra long today. It’s the end of the month; always a fun time for us here at my job.
Oy, now I’m getting ADD about writing in this, so I shall depart. Hopefully next time I will be more focused and able to write for real.
The End.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
SWF Searching for Cure
I had an epiphany today: I take myself way too seriously. This is a depressing thought to me. Very depressing.
I’m pretty sure I was born with this disability. Now that I can identify it, I recall very clearly doing this when I was in elementary school. Would you like me to spell that out for you? E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y. Want proof? Here it is:
I had crushes, just like any kid. All my friends wrote, “I love so-and-so” all over the place, including the bathroom stalls. Some of them knew who I liked, but even then I didn’t like advertising it. When they would tease me and say, “Alaina loves so-and-so,” this was my response (are you ready for this? Keep in mind that I am somewhere between 7 and 10 when I said this)… “I don’t love him, I only like him. I’m too young to know what love is.”
Haha! Are you kidding me?
This was my theme for years. I knew that one day I would find out what love really was, but today was not that day. So for now, I only had crushes. Strong though they may have been, they were still only crushes for me. When I was 16, I even me the guy I was “going to marry,” but I still only had a crush. I knew I would fall in love when the time was right and for some reason, it just wasn’t right. I didn’t understand that if I was going to marry him, but I accepted it for what it was and kept going with my life.
Boyfriends came and went and I was constantly aware that I did not love any of them. Until one. I finally knew what love was. It was true love, too – I literally would have died for him.
Aaaaand it didn’t work out. So now what happens to me? Just take a wild guess. Being one who takes herself too seriously, I hang onto that idea of the love that existed and won’t let go of it. I stop having crushes. “If I can’t have it again, I just won’t ever get close to a serious relationship again.” I don’t even give guys a chance anymore – they’ve become toys for me and people that I keep at a distance no matter what. If he has any hold on me, it’s that I like having him around or I feel obligated to. Any guy who says he is interested in me makes me laugh hysterically behind his back.
I need to change, but I don’t know how to. I need a cure. I am certainly not saying that I need a guy to enter my life and change me. That’s not going to happen. The change has to come from inside. I need to learn somehow on my own that it’s ok to loosen up and let people in. I need to re-learn that it’s ok to have crushes – just because I fell in love once does not mean that I have to find a crush that I could fall in love with this time. It could be one of those high school crushes. And most of all, I need to learn what I never knew how to do: just let go and enjoy life as it comes. Don’t wait so long for something to happen. Live in the moment. Make the little things that matter happen now so that I have memories later. I shouldn’t look forward to the future saying that the moment I’m in isn’t the one I’m waiting for.
So. Any ideas on how to create change inside oneself? I am definitely open to suggestions. Until I get some, however, I guess I just gotta start practicing focusing on the things in front of my face. No more glazed eyes looking far off in the distance. The new me begins now, even if it is slowly. She’ll speed up as she learns to walk. Hopefully this is the cure I’m looking for.
I’m pretty sure I was born with this disability. Now that I can identify it, I recall very clearly doing this when I was in elementary school. Would you like me to spell that out for you? E-L-E-M-E-N-T-A-R-Y. Want proof? Here it is:
I had crushes, just like any kid. All my friends wrote, “I love so-and-so” all over the place, including the bathroom stalls. Some of them knew who I liked, but even then I didn’t like advertising it. When they would tease me and say, “Alaina loves so-and-so,” this was my response (are you ready for this? Keep in mind that I am somewhere between 7 and 10 when I said this)… “I don’t love him, I only like him. I’m too young to know what love is.”
Haha! Are you kidding me?
This was my theme for years. I knew that one day I would find out what love really was, but today was not that day. So for now, I only had crushes. Strong though they may have been, they were still only crushes for me. When I was 16, I even me the guy I was “going to marry,” but I still only had a crush. I knew I would fall in love when the time was right and for some reason, it just wasn’t right. I didn’t understand that if I was going to marry him, but I accepted it for what it was and kept going with my life.
Boyfriends came and went and I was constantly aware that I did not love any of them. Until one. I finally knew what love was. It was true love, too – I literally would have died for him.
Aaaaand it didn’t work out. So now what happens to me? Just take a wild guess. Being one who takes herself too seriously, I hang onto that idea of the love that existed and won’t let go of it. I stop having crushes. “If I can’t have it again, I just won’t ever get close to a serious relationship again.” I don’t even give guys a chance anymore – they’ve become toys for me and people that I keep at a distance no matter what. If he has any hold on me, it’s that I like having him around or I feel obligated to. Any guy who says he is interested in me makes me laugh hysterically behind his back.
I need to change, but I don’t know how to. I need a cure. I am certainly not saying that I need a guy to enter my life and change me. That’s not going to happen. The change has to come from inside. I need to learn somehow on my own that it’s ok to loosen up and let people in. I need to re-learn that it’s ok to have crushes – just because I fell in love once does not mean that I have to find a crush that I could fall in love with this time. It could be one of those high school crushes. And most of all, I need to learn what I never knew how to do: just let go and enjoy life as it comes. Don’t wait so long for something to happen. Live in the moment. Make the little things that matter happen now so that I have memories later. I shouldn’t look forward to the future saying that the moment I’m in isn’t the one I’m waiting for.
So. Any ideas on how to create change inside oneself? I am definitely open to suggestions. Until I get some, however, I guess I just gotta start practicing focusing on the things in front of my face. No more glazed eyes looking far off in the distance. The new me begins now, even if it is slowly. She’ll speed up as she learns to walk. Hopefully this is the cure I’m looking for.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Psycho Much?
I am the TL for one of the departments in my company. With this comes responsibility that I can live up to. It's hard sometimes, but I can do it. One of those responsibilities is to keep my mouth shut, no matter how badly I want to say something. I could get into serious trouble. And I'm okay with that.
Recently we just fired a woman we've so lovingly deemed "Agent B" for "Bitch." Her name starts with a "C," but they didn't want her to accidentally hear them talking about her and derive from the "C" that they were actually referring to her. If she was indeed smart enough to figure it out. So they went with "B" and it stuck. Even for me.
Somehow this woman is a little slow. How, I may never know. Maybe she was dropped on her head as a baby? Repeatedly? On purpose to get her to shut up? I just don't know. Poor thing. But regardless of the cause, we suffer the effects. Daily! You'd think we would have been rid of her after she was terminated, right? WRONG! This woman has not ceased to email, text or call at least one person at LEAST once a day since the day she was let go. I think it has rarely, if ever, been just one person per day, and it's even rare that it's only once a day per that person, though sometimes she will slow down the barrage of pointless communications that she throws at us. Yes, us. I am included in that list.
"HI ALAINA HOW RU?" "HI ALAINA I HOPE U AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR" "HI ALAINA HOW WAS YOUR NEW YEARS?"
Always simple things like this, always all caps, and always my name! I love my name! Love it. But this woman is making me cringe whenever someone says it. I will read in an email from a guy from elementary school, "Have a good day Alaina and I'll talk to you later." Ugh! I used to love it when guys said my name. Will that day ever come again? I might kill me an ex-employee if it doesn't.
Anyway, so there are at least 7 of us who are being constantly bombarded and stalked by this woman. None of us will answer her, we just ignore her hoping that she'll get the picture. Right? WRONG! She never gets it! Finally we ask her to stop. We tell our security people what's going on and they call her and demand that she stop. Some of us block her email address and her phone number. Guess what? She's still at it! Can you believe that? She's, what? Mid 40's? Married! Get a life, woman! Let go of the past that you had control over, but did nothing with and therefore lost control of. That's how life goes! Deal.
Finally we - "we" being several of us, including security - tell her that if she ever contacts us again, we will contact the police and file a harassment complaint.
"I'M NOT HARASSING ANYONE I AM JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT I AM NOT A BAD PERSON!"
So now what do I get? I get peace and quiet for about 2 days. Then the blank texts start coming. Joy. A new email address shows up in email boxes with the same subject lines of things like, "I got a new job yeah!" and nothing in the body of the email. So we are asked to take all of those emails (very, very many of those) and forward them to HR. I wonder what they've done with them? I wonder if it will even matter? I wonder if anyone will take their threat and follow through with it in taking it to the police? I sure hope so. I wonder if I have grounds to do that since all I'm getting now is blank texts? She's not accidentally sending those. I've never gotten one before from her in the entire almost-year that she had my number (why in the HELL did I ever give her the damn thing??) I even got one today.
I can't say anything of how I really feel about the biotch to anyone at work (though I do, anyway, to one of my friends who isn't in the department). I keep it to "I'm so sorry you're going through this!" and "What is she thinking?" So it's such a nice relief to be able to say she's a freak somewhere.
Recently we just fired a woman we've so lovingly deemed "Agent B" for "Bitch." Her name starts with a "C," but they didn't want her to accidentally hear them talking about her and derive from the "C" that they were actually referring to her. If she was indeed smart enough to figure it out. So they went with "B" and it stuck. Even for me.
Somehow this woman is a little slow. How, I may never know. Maybe she was dropped on her head as a baby? Repeatedly? On purpose to get her to shut up? I just don't know. Poor thing. But regardless of the cause, we suffer the effects. Daily! You'd think we would have been rid of her after she was terminated, right? WRONG! This woman has not ceased to email, text or call at least one person at LEAST once a day since the day she was let go. I think it has rarely, if ever, been just one person per day, and it's even rare that it's only once a day per that person, though sometimes she will slow down the barrage of pointless communications that she throws at us. Yes, us. I am included in that list.
"HI ALAINA HOW RU?" "HI ALAINA I HOPE U AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR" "HI ALAINA HOW WAS YOUR NEW YEARS?"
Always simple things like this, always all caps, and always my name! I love my name! Love it. But this woman is making me cringe whenever someone says it. I will read in an email from a guy from elementary school, "Have a good day Alaina and I'll talk to you later." Ugh! I used to love it when guys said my name. Will that day ever come again? I might kill me an ex-employee if it doesn't.
Anyway, so there are at least 7 of us who are being constantly bombarded and stalked by this woman. None of us will answer her, we just ignore her hoping that she'll get the picture. Right? WRONG! She never gets it! Finally we ask her to stop. We tell our security people what's going on and they call her and demand that she stop. Some of us block her email address and her phone number. Guess what? She's still at it! Can you believe that? She's, what? Mid 40's? Married! Get a life, woman! Let go of the past that you had control over, but did nothing with and therefore lost control of. That's how life goes! Deal.
Finally we - "we" being several of us, including security - tell her that if she ever contacts us again, we will contact the police and file a harassment complaint.
"I'M NOT HARASSING ANYONE I AM JUST TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT I AM NOT A BAD PERSON!"
So now what do I get? I get peace and quiet for about 2 days. Then the blank texts start coming. Joy. A new email address shows up in email boxes with the same subject lines of things like, "I got a new job yeah!" and nothing in the body of the email. So we are asked to take all of those emails (very, very many of those) and forward them to HR. I wonder what they've done with them? I wonder if it will even matter? I wonder if anyone will take their threat and follow through with it in taking it to the police? I sure hope so. I wonder if I have grounds to do that since all I'm getting now is blank texts? She's not accidentally sending those. I've never gotten one before from her in the entire almost-year that she had my number (why in the HELL did I ever give her the damn thing??) I even got one today.
I can't say anything of how I really feel about the biotch to anyone at work (though I do, anyway, to one of my friends who isn't in the department). I keep it to "I'm so sorry you're going through this!" and "What is she thinking?" So it's such a nice relief to be able to say she's a freak somewhere.
You can tell she's not really part of the group. Poor woman.
Umm...Introduction?
Obviously I'm new to blogging. In fact, I've probably read a grand total of about 3 or 4 blogs. Go team. But I like to write - a lot - and thought I'd check it out. We'll see how I do.
Basically I love writing and I'll find any excuse and means to do it. Journals, books, stories (yes, I am separating books from stories for a reason), and now I have blogging for the category of "just for the hell of it." Which is actually just what I needed. I had all this direction for what I was writing, that I never could just write whatever I wanted. Now I can and I will. Someone kicks off a thought at work and I want to follow it? Now I can. I have a crazy idea and I want to write about it? Now I can! I used to write in these little notebooks, but nothing would happen with it besides pages getting ripped out and thrown all over the place. Ink stains all over my hands. It gets messy. Blogging is so genius! Who thought of it? And who knew that I would join in on the craze?!
Life is good.
Most of the time.
Basically I love writing and I'll find any excuse and means to do it. Journals, books, stories (yes, I am separating books from stories for a reason), and now I have blogging for the category of "just for the hell of it." Which is actually just what I needed. I had all this direction for what I was writing, that I never could just write whatever I wanted. Now I can and I will. Someone kicks off a thought at work and I want to follow it? Now I can. I have a crazy idea and I want to write about it? Now I can! I used to write in these little notebooks, but nothing would happen with it besides pages getting ripped out and thrown all over the place. Ink stains all over my hands. It gets messy. Blogging is so genius! Who thought of it? And who knew that I would join in on the craze?!
Life is good.
Most of the time.
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