This weekend, I had the worst road trip experience I've ever had in my entire life. However, it was all for a good cause; one which was definitely worth it. ...just...don't ask me to do it again.
I travelled with a guy I've been friends with for years. We've fallen in and out of touch throughout those years, so it's not like we were "so close" or anything. I had no other options available to me but him pretty much. We shall call him Jack. (Apparently I like that name.)
Whilst on the 36-hour-driving-plus-however-many-hours-spent-on-breaks-and-sleeping road trip, I HAD to vent. So I deleted him from my Facebook friends and vented on Facebook. This is one of the notes I created and peoples' responses to it. I deleted it from there because I told "Jack" I'd accidentally deleted him instead of someone else and will be re-adding him as soon as my computer at home is set back up. If I'm going to do that, I had to get rid of all mean-ness. So I am moving it to my blog. Please. Do enjoy.
*************
Ok, so I decided to write about my adventures of annoyance this weekend just in case I was overexaggerating things. I'd like some feedback to see if I'm just too easily annoyed and need some help. If I am justified in my feelings, I of course would be pleased; but it is not necessary to say so if it is not true. Thank you for your assistance.
I'm am on an 18 hour road trip with a friend named Jack. A good guy, generally speaking, but one who, generally speaking, lacks good ideas for social interacting.
First of all, I like the occasional 80's song, okay? But consistently? Oy! Can't. STAND it! Yet he's stuck on it like it's all he's got left! "This was my favorite song in 1st grade!" he exclaims, turning it up even louder. I cringe, ready to plug in my earphones and block him out for the rest of the night. These are the only cd's he's got in his car, as he puts in one after the other filled with 80's pop, bobbing his head up and down to the various beats.
Okay, insert this real quick: "Alaina, look really close right there. You see that? Right there," pointing ahead.
"What?" I ask.
"Look right there as far ahead as you can!"
"What about it?"
"You see that?"
"See what?!"
"The back of your head! It's so flat you can see the back of your head, you see that? Haha! Get it? You can see so far ahead of you?"
Back to my story. I get several texts last night. Guess he gets annoyed that he's not my only center of attention.
"Who's that?"
"Kristi."
"What does Kristi have to say?"
Is it any of your business? "Um...she went to Lagoon today?
"Oh fun!"
Next text. "Who's that?"
Omg. "Colten."
"What'd he say?" And a Christmas song comes on that he turns up.
He decides to pay for a cheap motel; nice of him, to be sure! Asks what time we're leaving in the am. 6:30, I tell him, bc of what time we need to be there. He asks if I have an alarm and I told him I'd already set it. "Groovy," he says.
I go to bed, he goes to take a shower. When he gets out, I'm half asleep. He comes over to me, "You asleep?"
"Well, I kinda was."
"Sleeping baby," he says in a very baby-talk voice, rubs my shoulder and kisses my cheek. He goes back into the bathroom area and finishes getting ready for bed before he turns in.
4:00 am. "You awake?"
For REAL??! "Now I am."
"Is it time to go yet?"
"No...the alarm hasn't gone off."
"Oh, okay."
4:15 he laughs really loud. I open my eyes and see him sitting up in his bed facing me. CREEPY!! WHAT the hell!
4:30 I scratch my nose and he laughs again and sits back up. "You awake?"
I ignore him this time and go back to holding still. Next thing I know, he is literally right in my face, saying "hello?" or something. I don't know. I just turn my head away from him and get so pissed off I couldn't go back to sleep. On top of that, he starts trying to shake me awake. WHAT THE EFF??
Now he's asking me what I'm writing and he won't drop it. "Is that your journal? What you writin'? I'm interested now!"
Freak!
We stop at a gas station this morning for food. I get a muffin. In the car a piece of it falls in my lap. He sees it out of the corner of his eye and gasps loudly! Seriously? "Are you okay?" he asks very concernedly. No. No I'm not. That tiny piece of bread broke my femer bone and now I must be rushed to the hospital, dang it! Road trip prolonged.
Now he's talking politics and comparing Jesus to Obama and others who were for change. "Everyone who was for change has gotten assasinated. I think Barak Obama's next. Even Jesus Christ tried to change things up and He got killed."
He reads almost every sign aloud.
As we took off this morning he confirms that we had 11 hrs left. I said yes. "Soooo fuuuun! Definitely journal entry time!" [insert weird sound effect meant to demonstrate writing] "About 5 pages would be good."
What the crap are you going to write about? You've been the only one talking. We've listened to 1 genre of music. You say every piece of scenery looks like Texas. And you had insomnia! What could possibly be 5 pages worth?
Kay, I'm done venting for now. Let me know if I am just making a big deal out of nothing. I am honestly in no position to be able to tell. My vision is WAY too blurred by this irritation.
Hope everyone is having a better weekend than I am!
Oh and PS, he is no longer a FB friend, so there is no risk of him seeing this note...heh.
Kelly
Well the 80's music would have been enough for me!! Why didn't you change it!?
Jessica
i would have smacked him for messing with me while i was trying to sleep
Alisha
Yeah, um. I would have probably shot him by now. So if it is up to me, you're definitely justified in being annoyed. (Is this the same Jack who told me I was going to hell for playing bubble bobble? If so, you're a better woman than me)
Alaina
It's his car, so I didn't think I had the right to change the music.
And yeah. Verrry tempted toward physical violence ;)
Colten
Man. apart of me is WISHING I would've just stuck it to the man, and come along! Then again. . . I don't know if we would feed off each others PATIENCE. . . or rip that poor boy to shreds in HALF the time.
Hmm. . . Well! I'm excited to hear about the remaining 11 hours!!!
You'll have to keep us updated :D Sympathizing you. . .
Brionna
Wow...you are completely justified in being annoyed.
Tanya
OMG Alaina! HAHHAH!! Hollywood cannot write that kind of stuff!
Alaina
Ok everyone, I have an announcement to make. 1st of all, yes Alisha.
It is the same Jack. But mostly, my trip just got better - I gave him Tylenol PM in a Gatorade drink and took over the driver's seat.
Life just got a whole lot easier! LOL!!! I'd like to thank my cousin for the idea. You're the best ever!
Brionna
HAHA! You're evil! Thats awesome. =)
Rachael
Sneaky sneaky...whose idea was the trip, anyway? Just curious. Glad things are going better...hope it's not short lived.
Robert
You what!!!! You are genius!!! Wow, I.. wow, i'm sorry to hear about all your problems with this man, but it just made my night.. I"m crying, from laughing so hard. Wow... Oh, and I would of shot the dude already.
Colten
HAHAHAHA, pretty swaz thinking there!!! Kudos ;)
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Mina
I, my friends, am getting the most adorable kitten in the world! Just look:
Is she not SOOO beautiful!?!? She’s a Persian and will be absolutely gorgeous when she grows up! One of those rich cats that you see in the millionaires’ homes in the movies. Yeah. I’m gonna be a millionaire. Ha. Not so much, but I’ll have a beautiful cat. And a very loving cat, from the sounds of it.
Her name is going to be Mina. It's Korean for "beautiful." It's also a Japanese name. I like taking oriental words and tweaking them for names for my animals. One of my cats was named Nakai, derived from the Japanese word for "soft." Not anywhere near the actual word anymore, but it's where it stemmed from. But this word didn't need any tweaking at all.
I am driving to Missouri to get her and I think it’ll be so worth it. Hey. Road trip. That’s a bonus. My little brother will be coming with me and that will be quite fun methinks. I can’t describe my excitement.
I have been craving the companionship of a kitten for a couple to a few years now and the time is finally here! *sigh* Life is good. I am so happy!
Is she not SOOO beautiful!?!? She’s a Persian and will be absolutely gorgeous when she grows up! One of those rich cats that you see in the millionaires’ homes in the movies. Yeah. I’m gonna be a millionaire. Ha. Not so much, but I’ll have a beautiful cat. And a very loving cat, from the sounds of it.
Her name is going to be Mina. It's Korean for "beautiful." It's also a Japanese name. I like taking oriental words and tweaking them for names for my animals. One of my cats was named Nakai, derived from the Japanese word for "soft." Not anywhere near the actual word anymore, but it's where it stemmed from. But this word didn't need any tweaking at all.
I am driving to Missouri to get her and I think it’ll be so worth it. Hey. Road trip. That’s a bonus. My little brother will be coming with me and that will be quite fun methinks. I can’t describe my excitement.
I have been craving the companionship of a kitten for a couple to a few years now and the time is finally here! *sigh* Life is good. I am so happy!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
These are a Few of My Favorite Things
Recently I've been on the receiving end of some links to some very funny skits/clips/whatever-you-wanna-call-'em on youtube and hulu. I thought I'd share my excitement in the discovery of these things. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do!
Friday, June 5, 2009
For the Girls
You know what I think is cool? Periods. Cramps. Bleeding ‘til you’re embarrassed to walk around because it’s gotten on your pants like you’ve peed red. I think it’s great! Writhing in pain wherever you are: in bed; on a chair at your desk at work; in a car waiting for your friend to freakin walk out of the damn store so that you can get to your room where there’s a heating pad and some pain pills…. It’s wonderful. You know why? Because it means a few things.
One – you can feel. Feeling is good. If you were numb to the things of the world, where would you be? A cold-hearted, desensitized possible jerk, that’s where!
Two – it means that one day you can have babies! How sweet is that! You get to go through all this pain for the rest of your life so that you can be a mother one day. What do the fathers get? They get nothing. They don’t understand the meaning of the word sacrifice. You know what that means? No bond with the child. I mean, many of them just leave. What is that all about? They don’t even get to know what it’s like to change diapers and clean up throw up and muddy footprints and snot on the windows. They’re missing out.
Three – let’s take a look at those who actually can’t have children for one reason or another. They get to just go through the pain. They get to get stronger with each passing month as they wrap their arms around themselves in hopes that a little bit of pressure will relieve a little bit of the hurt. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. But there’s an even bigger benefit: along with getting stronger every month, they don’t have to change diapers and clean up throw up and muddy footprints and snot on the windows. They don’t have to watch in slow motion as their great-great grandmother’s favorite vase is knocked over off of the small decorative table and crashes to the floor into tiny little pieces. They’ll have that family heirloom forever.
So either way you look at it, these periods, this PMS, this intense pain is worth it! Nothing should dampen your spirits, girls! Cheer up! Bear these so-called burdens with a glad heart and a happy soul! Because no matter the outcome of this pain you experience, you are getting the better end of the deal – something about which you should be smiling. Brightly.
One – you can feel. Feeling is good. If you were numb to the things of the world, where would you be? A cold-hearted, desensitized possible jerk, that’s where!
Two – it means that one day you can have babies! How sweet is that! You get to go through all this pain for the rest of your life so that you can be a mother one day. What do the fathers get? They get nothing. They don’t understand the meaning of the word sacrifice. You know what that means? No bond with the child. I mean, many of them just leave. What is that all about? They don’t even get to know what it’s like to change diapers and clean up throw up and muddy footprints and snot on the windows. They’re missing out.
Three – let’s take a look at those who actually can’t have children for one reason or another. They get to just go through the pain. They get to get stronger with each passing month as they wrap their arms around themselves in hopes that a little bit of pressure will relieve a little bit of the hurt. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. But there’s an even bigger benefit: along with getting stronger every month, they don’t have to change diapers and clean up throw up and muddy footprints and snot on the windows. They don’t have to watch in slow motion as their great-great grandmother’s favorite vase is knocked over off of the small decorative table and crashes to the floor into tiny little pieces. They’ll have that family heirloom forever.
So either way you look at it, these periods, this PMS, this intense pain is worth it! Nothing should dampen your spirits, girls! Cheer up! Bear these so-called burdens with a glad heart and a happy soul! Because no matter the outcome of this pain you experience, you are getting the better end of the deal – something about which you should be smiling. Brightly.The Best Ever
This post is going to be one of gratitude. I have got the BEST friends in the world. Seriously. Few though they may be, they are wonderful and they are always there for me no matter what.
Recently I went through a hard time and I was supported very much by such wonderful people. I will be forever thankful for and to them. I think I’m blessed more than anyone in this area and I almost don’t know what to do. I really, really hope they know that I love them a lot and will always appreciate them. I hope that they know that I will always be there for them, no matter the circumstances. My life is so much brighter because of them.
So here’s a shout out to such wonderful people! Thank you for all you do and have done! Nothing will change the way I see you, which is with such high regard that if you saw yourself the way I do, you would never ever think a single negative thought about you. Ever. You are quite simply amazing.
Recently I went through a hard time and I was supported very much by such wonderful people. I will be forever thankful for and to them. I think I’m blessed more than anyone in this area and I almost don’t know what to do. I really, really hope they know that I love them a lot and will always appreciate them. I hope that they know that I will always be there for them, no matter the circumstances. My life is so much brighter because of them.
So here’s a shout out to such wonderful people! Thank you for all you do and have done! Nothing will change the way I see you, which is with such high regard that if you saw yourself the way I do, you would never ever think a single negative thought about you. Ever. You are quite simply amazing.
(P.S. as you can tell, that pic is a professional one; I don't actually know these people, it's just depicting friendship. =D )
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My Lifesaver
So last…week, month, whatever, I wrote about one of my brothers. I have 3 of them and 2 sisters and, having a good relationship with all of them, I decided to dedicate a post to each one of them. My next subject: Michael.
When I was 10, Michael (the youngest) came into our lives. Poor kid was accident prone right off the bat. His femur bone was broken when he was about 6 months old or so, and he was put into a body cast with a hole cut into the butt so we could change his diaper. Once he burned his hand on the iron. That was unnerving. It’s continued throughout his life. A couple years ago, he snapped both of his wrists cleanly in half whilst playing around the rafters of an unfinished house in the rain. Smart kid. You definitely learn what not to do with him around.
All growing up, though, I never felt like I really knew him. After I went on a mission and came home, instead of moving out immediately, I decided to live at home for a while where JJ and Michael were still living. I wanted to develop a relationship with them that I hadn’t been able to because of the age gap. High School and College during Elementary School years. So I stayed put and hung around them as much as I could.
One of the best things I could have done. I felt like I was starting to get closer to them. I felt my relationship with Michael was particularly affected since I knew him the least.
But I still didn’t know him very well. I knew the laughing part of him, the teasing part, the up-front part. He’s my brother. Typically you know more than just the shell. As much fun as the teasing, the laughing, the getting along quite nicely was, I somehow still missed him. I didn’t know what it was.
Then something happened. The darling was uber accident prone and got himself into some trouble. Some pretty bad trouble. It killed us all. I mean, as a family, we’ve never for a second waivered from supporting him and letting him know that we still love him, no matter what. He was put into juvie, and Mom and Dad visit him every week. Us kids visit him whenever we can. It seemed like I was the only failure.
I still loved him and that was what hurt. He writes to us every month at least once. In his letters, he would ask us to write him back. I felt so awful with guilt every time I read that line because I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like I was going to chew him out if I didn’t hold myself back. I just didn’t have any words.
Then one day I decided it was time. I missed him. So I wrote to him, letting him know at first that I’d been hurt, then letting him know that I’ll always love him. He wrote back immediately and since then we’ve been in constant contact. I’ve gone by myself to visit him, just the two of us. In those talks and letters, I’ve found someone that I rarely have: someone to tell everything to. Poor kid! He gets it all! I mean AAALLLLLL. He hears everything about me that I hate, everything I’ve done that I wish I hadn’t, all of my weaknesses, things that have happened to me that to me were traumatic in their own ways (they’d be no big deal to anyone else, I’m sure of it; I’m pretty weak). He hears it all.
And he listens. He asks me questions. I remember one day I was sitting with him in the visiting room. Something had just recently happened in my life that affected me so much (like I said – weak) and I could hardly get past a certain point of conversation. I’d kept it light up to a point and then I couldn’t hold it anymore and my voice cracked when my thoughts wouldn’t stop. His face got serious and worried immediately. “Alaina,” he said softly. “What happened?” When I couldn’t talk or said it wasn’t anything really big at all, he repeated the question more firmly, more concernedly. “What happened?”
Of all the people that I know, if I think about it, I can honestly say that he is the one I am most proud of. I have never in my life been more proud of anyone or SO proud of anyone. Ever. He is now a 4.0 student when he was getting barely in the 1’s, if I am correct. His views on life have changed from “I don’t give a shit” to “This is something worth living.” He’s got a plan for his life and everything. He is, quite frankly, amazing. Absolutely.
I miss him. I wish I could see him every day. He gives me a kind of hope that I rarely allow myself to feel; I’d rather not feel hope so that I don’t lose it when I fail. But with him around, I still just can’t help but feel this one – if he can climb up so far, maybe one day I can, too.
When I was 10, Michael (the youngest) came into our lives. Poor kid was accident prone right off the bat. His femur bone was broken when he was about 6 months old or so, and he was put into a body cast with a hole cut into the butt so we could change his diaper. Once he burned his hand on the iron. That was unnerving. It’s continued throughout his life. A couple years ago, he snapped both of his wrists cleanly in half whilst playing around the rafters of an unfinished house in the rain. Smart kid. You definitely learn what not to do with him around.
All growing up, though, I never felt like I really knew him. After I went on a mission and came home, instead of moving out immediately, I decided to live at home for a while where JJ and Michael were still living. I wanted to develop a relationship with them that I hadn’t been able to because of the age gap. High School and College during Elementary School years. So I stayed put and hung around them as much as I could.One of the best things I could have done. I felt like I was starting to get closer to them. I felt my relationship with Michael was particularly affected since I knew him the least.
But I still didn’t know him very well. I knew the laughing part of him, the teasing part, the up-front part. He’s my brother. Typically you know more than just the shell. As much fun as the teasing, the laughing, the getting along quite nicely was, I somehow still missed him. I didn’t know what it was.
Then something happened. The darling was uber accident prone and got himself into some trouble. Some pretty bad trouble. It killed us all. I mean, as a family, we’ve never for a second waivered from supporting him and letting him know that we still love him, no matter what. He was put into juvie, and Mom and Dad visit him every week. Us kids visit him whenever we can. It seemed like I was the only failure.
I still loved him and that was what hurt. He writes to us every month at least once. In his letters, he would ask us to write him back. I felt so awful with guilt every time I read that line because I couldn’t. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t like I was going to chew him out if I didn’t hold myself back. I just didn’t have any words.
Then one day I decided it was time. I missed him. So I wrote to him, letting him know at first that I’d been hurt, then letting him know that I’ll always love him. He wrote back immediately and since then we’ve been in constant contact. I’ve gone by myself to visit him, just the two of us. In those talks and letters, I’ve found someone that I rarely have: someone to tell everything to. Poor kid! He gets it all! I mean AAALLLLLL. He hears everything about me that I hate, everything I’ve done that I wish I hadn’t, all of my weaknesses, things that have happened to me that to me were traumatic in their own ways (they’d be no big deal to anyone else, I’m sure of it; I’m pretty weak). He hears it all.
And he listens. He asks me questions. I remember one day I was sitting with him in the visiting room. Something had just recently happened in my life that affected me so much (like I said – weak) and I could hardly get past a certain point of conversation. I’d kept it light up to a point and then I couldn’t hold it anymore and my voice cracked when my thoughts wouldn’t stop. His face got serious and worried immediately. “Alaina,” he said softly. “What happened?” When I couldn’t talk or said it wasn’t anything really big at all, he repeated the question more firmly, more concernedly. “What happened?”
Of all the people that I know, if I think about it, I can honestly say that he is the one I am most proud of. I have never in my life been more proud of anyone or SO proud of anyone. Ever. He is now a 4.0 student when he was getting barely in the 1’s, if I am correct. His views on life have changed from “I don’t give a shit” to “This is something worth living.” He’s got a plan for his life and everything. He is, quite frankly, amazing. Absolutely.I miss him. I wish I could see him every day. He gives me a kind of hope that I rarely allow myself to feel; I’d rather not feel hope so that I don’t lose it when I fail. But with him around, I still just can’t help but feel this one – if he can climb up so far, maybe one day I can, too.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Metamorphosis
It was a beautiful sunny day; the sky was clear, the air was cool and not cold; and we were stuck indoors. Such is the life of many Americans. We work indoors for a huge percentage of our lives. On this particular day, however, we were required to step outside just long enough to cross the parking lot and go to our other company building where they were holding a “quarterly meeting.”
We walked slowly, enjoying our momentary freedom. Walking there we took our time…on our way back we took even more time because we didn’t have a deadline for a meeting to start.
My friend/coworker and I were taking the long way around – the one with the most sun – chatting about this and that, when suddenly we both stopped abruptly in our tracks. Crossing the sidewalk as though it were a large road to put behind him was a fuzzy caterpillar.
Trivia on Alaina: since I was a little girl, I’ve always loved caterpillars if only for one thing…they turn into beautiful beings that should be absolutely impossible for something so slow, so simple, so earthbound and so ugly to turn into.
“Awww!!” Both of us coo, looking down on the innocent little creature who is unaware of the turn its life is about to take. In fact, I think that only I was aware of the turn his short life was about to take. I bent down and allowed him to crawl onto my hand, standing up slowly once he did. After a few moments of evaluating and studying the little guy, the two of us continued our trek back to our desks. I hardly took my eyes off of him.
When I got back to my desk, I had nothing but an empty water bottle to put him into. So I did and was awed as I watched him crawl from one droplet of water to the next and saw each drop slowly disappear as an invisible mouth too small to see gulped it up. It was amazing. So simple, but so amazing. At the end of work, I took him home and put him in a little container that can hold probably a gallon of liquid, gave it a floor of dirt and some plants, complete with a stick he could climb up onto to spin his cocoon when he was ready.
A few days later, he spun a cocoon. On the ground. Amongst the fallen leaves and grass. I thought he was dead, though I would never pass him off as so until he just simply did not come out of his cocoon. I was not going to give up on him.
As anyone can tell, I have a thing for butterflies. As previously mentioned, the concept of them turning from something so basic to something that is free, can fly, and is among the most beautiful of all creatures is astounding. When I was a little girl, it was astounding that they could turn from an ugly worm into something so beautiful. I wanted to turn into a beautiful person when I grew up. So I loved butterflies. If they could do it, maybe, maybe I had a chance. As I grew, the concept of the metamorphosis sunk in deeper and butterflies came to mean more than simple beauty.
From slow and crawling on their bellies to being the owners of pure freedom! They grow wings!
They go from eating leaves and weeds and anything they can to drinking nectar.
From an existence focused solely on surviving to the next stage of their life, where chance is 90% of success, they become gods of their kind. They create life by fertilizing flowers and creating more of their own kind (albeit ugly worms again, but still they grow to be just like their parents). They have reached that next stage of their life. They are living their lives to the fullest at this point and meeting the objective of their creation. They are the epitome of success.
So as you can imagine, I became quite attached to the little guy, anticipating this life for him. His cocoon was attached to long blades of grass that we could pick up and examine him more closely (I have since trimmed those down so that he could be left alone). One day I expressed my fear of his death to a coworker who then picked him up. We both saw him wiggle. He was alive! And every now and then when I’m looking at just the right time, I’ll see a tiny little movement, reassuring me that he still is. I love it.
I did as much research as I could and this is what I discovered: Little Xanthone (we named him Xanthone after the main component found in the main fruit that our company is based around) is a moth. So much for my illusions of a butterfly life for my little guy. He will aspire to be a moth. I always knew this was a possibility, though. A 50/50 chance, if you will.
Despite the moth-ness of his nature, I just can’t help but still love him the same as when I thought he could possibly be a butterfly. Let’s think about this: ugly worm to creature with wings. Course, it’s a creature that comes out at night. But still. It is amazing in and of itself.
I deepened my research and I think I’ve narrowed down what type of moth he is and if he is, he is so cool! For example: Moths can hear bats before bats can hear them. Gives them a great advantage. THIS moth, however, can actually talk back to the bats. Well – communicate back, it’s not like they’ve got words. But seriously. How much greater of an advantage is that?!
Moths can also remember things they learned as a caterpillar. Don’t ask me how they discovered that one, but they did. This makes moths quite smart. Helloooo…insect? Thinking? Learning? All I have to say is this: I knew it! Every living thing has more than just instincts. They’ve all got personality, too, right down to plants. This is what I believe.
I have found some pictures of what Xanthone could look like when he emerges. I personally think he is beautiful and I am excited to see him. He is due the end of this month.
And as soon as the butterfly caterpillars come out, rest assured that I shall be raising at least one of those, too. I love things like this!
We walked slowly, enjoying our momentary freedom. Walking there we took our time…on our way back we took even more time because we didn’t have a deadline for a meeting to start.
My friend/coworker and I were taking the long way around – the one with the most sun – chatting about this and that, when suddenly we both stopped abruptly in our tracks. Crossing the sidewalk as though it were a large road to put behind him was a fuzzy caterpillar.
Trivia on Alaina: since I was a little girl, I’ve always loved caterpillars if only for one thing…they turn into beautiful beings that should be absolutely impossible for something so slow, so simple, so earthbound and so ugly to turn into.
“Awww!!” Both of us coo, looking down on the innocent little creature who is unaware of the turn its life is about to take. In fact, I think that only I was aware of the turn his short life was about to take. I bent down and allowed him to crawl onto my hand, standing up slowly once he did. After a few moments of evaluating and studying the little guy, the two of us continued our trek back to our desks. I hardly took my eyes off of him.
When I got back to my desk, I had nothing but an empty water bottle to put him into. So I did and was awed as I watched him crawl from one droplet of water to the next and saw each drop slowly disappear as an invisible mouth too small to see gulped it up. It was amazing. So simple, but so amazing. At the end of work, I took him home and put him in a little container that can hold probably a gallon of liquid, gave it a floor of dirt and some plants, complete with a stick he could climb up onto to spin his cocoon when he was ready.
A few days later, he spun a cocoon. On the ground. Amongst the fallen leaves and grass. I thought he was dead, though I would never pass him off as so until he just simply did not come out of his cocoon. I was not going to give up on him.
As anyone can tell, I have a thing for butterflies. As previously mentioned, the concept of them turning from something so basic to something that is free, can fly, and is among the most beautiful of all creatures is astounding. When I was a little girl, it was astounding that they could turn from an ugly worm into something so beautiful. I wanted to turn into a beautiful person when I grew up. So I loved butterflies. If they could do it, maybe, maybe I had a chance. As I grew, the concept of the metamorphosis sunk in deeper and butterflies came to mean more than simple beauty.
From slow and crawling on their bellies to being the owners of pure freedom! They grow wings!
They go from eating leaves and weeds and anything they can to drinking nectar.
From an existence focused solely on surviving to the next stage of their life, where chance is 90% of success, they become gods of their kind. They create life by fertilizing flowers and creating more of their own kind (albeit ugly worms again, but still they grow to be just like their parents). They have reached that next stage of their life. They are living their lives to the fullest at this point and meeting the objective of their creation. They are the epitome of success.
So as you can imagine, I became quite attached to the little guy, anticipating this life for him. His cocoon was attached to long blades of grass that we could pick up and examine him more closely (I have since trimmed those down so that he could be left alone). One day I expressed my fear of his death to a coworker who then picked him up. We both saw him wiggle. He was alive! And every now and then when I’m looking at just the right time, I’ll see a tiny little movement, reassuring me that he still is. I love it.
I did as much research as I could and this is what I discovered: Little Xanthone (we named him Xanthone after the main component found in the main fruit that our company is based around) is a moth. So much for my illusions of a butterfly life for my little guy. He will aspire to be a moth. I always knew this was a possibility, though. A 50/50 chance, if you will.
Despite the moth-ness of his nature, I just can’t help but still love him the same as when I thought he could possibly be a butterfly. Let’s think about this: ugly worm to creature with wings. Course, it’s a creature that comes out at night. But still. It is amazing in and of itself.
I deepened my research and I think I’ve narrowed down what type of moth he is and if he is, he is so cool! For example: Moths can hear bats before bats can hear them. Gives them a great advantage. THIS moth, however, can actually talk back to the bats. Well – communicate back, it’s not like they’ve got words. But seriously. How much greater of an advantage is that?!
Moths can also remember things they learned as a caterpillar. Don’t ask me how they discovered that one, but they did. This makes moths quite smart. Helloooo…insect? Thinking? Learning? All I have to say is this: I knew it! Every living thing has more than just instincts. They’ve all got personality, too, right down to plants. This is what I believe.
I have found some pictures of what Xanthone could look like when he emerges. I personally think he is beautiful and I am excited to see him. He is due the end of this month.
And as soon as the butterfly caterpillars come out, rest assured that I shall be raising at least one of those, too. I love things like this!
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