I was talking to a friend the other day - or rather, a while back if I'm being literal - and I got to thinking about a serious flaw in my character: I prefer to learn things the hard way. Make logical sense? No, I didn't think so, either. Here are a few examples:
I have these intuitions often that tell me, "This is about to happen. You should probably adjust the situation at hand to prevent it." Not Sandra Bullock-type of intuitions or premonitions where, no matter what she does, she ends up with the same results. Or where she jumps back and forth between days. Odd. No, my intuitions, or premonitions or whatever, are little things like, "If you set that cup right there, it's going to tip and spill all over your mother's carpet. Bad idea." But it's a fleeting thought and I push it away. Why? Because, "Whatever, Alaina, it's sitting far enough back. Plus, how can you of all people know the future? Don't be ridiculous!" Three steps away and I hear a small little thud and feel a few drops of liquid land on my ankle. It's red. Awesome.
Another, rather humorous one, was when I was walking on a perfectly flat stretch of thin wood outside in a friend's yard. It wasn't raised at all, it was just set into the ground, so I had no fear of falling off of anything. The problem was my sandals. No traction whatsoever. As I walked along it, balancing like a tight rope walker, I saw in my head a vision of me slipping and falling backwards. "Haha, that'd be funny," I thought, and took just one more step. BAM! Didn't even know what hit me for a second. Literally. I didn't feel myself falling, I dropped so fast! I just felt something hit the back of my head, opened my eyes to see blue with little spots of white and took a second or two to deduct that I was flat on my back, looking up at the sky. Then I heard friends running up to me and shouting questions of, "Are you okay!" I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing. I should have known.
As time went on, things only got worse. I wrecked a friend's car after quite physically forcing down a very, vary bad feeling I had about going anywhere. I hung out with someone I knew I shouldn't have, but couldn't imagine why it was such a bad idea until, not long into it I decided I should leave and the last words I heard him say were, "I could have given you a date rape drug!"
There is obviously something inside me that just doesn't listen. I think the subconscious concern is, "Well, if I follow these negative feelings and avoid this situation, I'm pretty sure I'll never know what it was I was supposed to learn to avoid."
WHAT?! How about believing that fire will burn and cause damage? Concept? Maybe if I go the other way I'll learn something good, rather than, "Ha, oh yeah! I definitely should have listened and stayed away. El-oh-el. Ma bad."
If I haven't already done it, I'm kind of concerned about burning my hands too many times, and beyond repair. Then I'll be useless. Audrey Hepburn once wrote to her sons, "If you need a helping hand, you have one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, remember you have two hands. The first is for helping yourself; the second is for helping others." Metaphorically speaking, I need to stay out of harm's way so that I'll be able to help others when they need it. In the states I've put myself in, I haven't been able to be there for many people lately. That's a thought I hate.
So I'll try to break this habit. Uhhh...good luck to me? I really suck at this, in case I haven't painted a clear enough picture for you. Did I mention it's a bad idea to take 4 energy shots (not regular drinks) in the space of 2 hours at work? AT WORK?! Or to take someone I absolutely know will annoy the hell out of me on a 16 hour (one way) driving trip to pick up a kitten? Yeah, that one was a disaster (see Adventures to Missouri blog post).
Despite all the disasters of my life, I can't help but not regret any of it. I've still learned lessons, regardless of how they were learned. It'd just be easier if I'd go about it the easy way. But let's face it...how many of us really do that?
