Learning by Fire

I was talking to a friend the other day - or rather, a while back if I'm being literal - and I got to thinking about a serious flaw in my character: I prefer to learn things the hard way. Make logical sense? No, I didn't think so, either. Here are a few examples:

I have these intuitions often that tell me, "This is about to happen. You should probably adjust the situation at hand to prevent it." Not Sandra Bullock-type of intuitions or premonitions where, no matter what she does, she ends up with the same results. Or where she jumps back and forth between days. Odd. No, my intuitions, or premonitions or whatever, are little things like, "If you set that cup right there, it's going to tip and spill all over your mother's carpet. Bad idea." But it's a fleeting thought and I push it away. Why? Because, "Whatever, Alaina, it's sitting far enough back. Plus, how can you of all people know the future? Don't be ridiculous!" Three steps away and I hear a small little thud and feel a few drops of liquid land on my ankle. It's red. Awesome.

Another, rather humorous one, was when I was walking on a perfectly flat stretch of thin wood outside in a friend's yard. It wasn't raised at all, it was just set into the ground, so I had no fear of falling off of anything. The problem was my sandals. No traction whatsoever. As I walked along it, balancing like a tight rope walker, I saw in my head a vision of me slipping and falling backwards. "Haha, that'd be funny," I thought, and took just one more step. BAM! Didn't even know what hit me for a second. Literally. I didn't feel myself falling, I dropped so fast! I just felt something hit the back of my head, opened my eyes to see blue with little spots of white and took a second or two to deduct that I was flat on my back, looking up at the sky. Then I heard friends running up to me and shouting questions of, "Are you okay!" I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing. I should have known.

As time went on, things only got worse. I wrecked a friend's car after quite physically forcing down a very, vary bad feeling I had about going anywhere. I hung out with someone I knew I shouldn't have, but couldn't imagine why it was such a bad idea until, not long into it I decided I should leave and the last words I heard him say were, "I could have given you a date rape drug!"

There is obviously something inside me that just doesn't listen. I think the subconscious concern is, "Well, if I follow these negative feelings and avoid this situation, I'm pretty sure I'll never know what it was I was supposed to learn to avoid."

WHAT?! How about believing that fire will burn and cause damage? Concept? Maybe if I go the other way I'll learn something good, rather than, "Ha, oh yeah! I definitely should have listened and stayed away. El-oh-el. Ma bad."

If I haven't already done it, I'm kind of concerned about burning my hands too many times, and beyond repair. Then I'll be useless. Audrey Hepburn once wrote to her sons, "If you need a helping hand, you have one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, remember you have two hands. The first is for helping yourself; the second is for helping others." Metaphorically speaking, I need to stay out of harm's way so that I'll be able to help others when they need it. In the states I've put myself in, I haven't been able to be there for many people lately. That's a thought I hate.

So I'll try to break this habit. Uhhh...good luck to me? I really suck at this, in case I haven't painted a clear enough picture for you. Did I mention it's a bad idea to take 4 energy shots (not regular drinks) in the space of 2 hours at work? AT WORK?! Or to take someone I absolutely know will annoy the hell out of me on a 16 hour (one way) driving trip to pick up a kitten? Yeah, that one was a disaster (see Adventures to Missouri blog post).

Despite all the disasters of my life, I can't help but not regret any of it. I've still learned lessons, regardless of how they were learned. It'd just be easier if I'd go about it the easy way. But let's face it...how many of us really do that?

Thuh Animals

So I was glancing through my earlier posts and realized one huge thing: “Mina” is actually “Ellie,” and I don’t even remember my little brother planning on going with me to pick her up. Obviously he didn’t.

And speaking of pets, my brother just got a new one yesterday. Out of 8 people in the family, we have 7 pets; and not everyone has one, like my middle brother on a mission or my youngest sister. So just for fun, I’ll blog about them.

The first one to join the family was Pockets:

A feisty little thing, she is. She has a dominant personality and destroys EVERYTHING left out for her to reach. So we have to be careful. Many computer cords and cell phone chargers have we had to replace. But she's very sweet when she has nothing to chew. Always the first to greet you and lick your feet.

Next was my Ellie:
Adorable, quiet, shy, and very loving and loyal. Her whole world revolves around me, basically. And our fish. She loves the fish.

Then we had Pebbles join the ranks:She’s Pockets’ little non-blood-related sister. As in they share the same owner. A bit more reserved than Pockets is, she is nonetheless an accomplice in those ruined cords and chargers. But she’s got a very gentle personality and you can easily hurt her feelings if you get angry at her. So get angry and then tell her you still love her, she’ll be just fine.

Milliee is no longer part of the family, but she was briefly, so I thought I’d put a quick little doo-da about her on here, too.She was in heat the entire time we had her, minus about 2 months of her kittenhood. And she liked to stick her tongue out at us. We laughed. One time my computer screensaver hypnotized her to sleep. It was SO funny!

Then we got Daxton:He came fully grown from the shelter and hates the indoors. Except that last night, apparently, my youngest brother (Daxton’s owner) let him in and he fell asleep wrapped in my brother’s arms on the bed. Cutest story ever.

Then Jaden came along:Most tender soul a dog ever had. He cuddles while you watch TV and plays with dogs less than half his size without even hurting them! So sweet. He actually gives hugs when he greets you. It’s adorable.

Then little Taz:

Teeny, tiny little thing, all growed-up. He plays harder with Jaden than with anyone or anything else. He thinks he’s Jaden’s size, I’m pretty sure, and he adores my mom!

And as of yesterday, we got Dozer…we think (it’s not a permanent name yet):

He’s hard to see, because he’s all black. He’s also Jaden’s little non-blood-related brother. When I walked in the door yesterday, he came running up to me, wagging that little tail and so excited to see me as if he’d known me the whole 3 months of his life. It made me to smile. =)

And there you have it. The Whicker Pet Family. Cute, ain’t they?!

Hyperness

So I'm sitting here, ready to blog about a crush, when BAM! Some serious energy hits. Now I can't focus on words well enough to talk about this guy. Odd.

So I've decided to blog about whatever comes to my overactive mind right now, AS it comes to mind. This should be interesting.

First up, my friend, Kelly, comes to mind because we used to send emails like this. We'd sit and write about whatever entered our thoughts, following the train that led from one point to another. It was fun.

Now I'm thinking about something I haven't told her yet. I've alluded to it to her and the thing is that she and I have no secrets between us. Except for this one, but I really think that she'd figure it out quickly, anyway. She'd be surprised because you'd THINK this wouldn't be a thing anymore, but it is.

My little brother is so cute. The one on a mission. Actually, all 3 of them are absolutely adorable, but JJ's the one that just popped into my head. I'm not entirely sure why anymore. Can't remember.

But Michael is living with me and my sisters and it has been a BLAST! He's so much fun and brings such a unique vitality to the house that neither of my sisters, nor I can imitate. He's so cute. I just love him to death.

I love my job. The people I work with are so great. All of them.

I wish that everyone could love their jobs like I do. I wish that everyone could get along with each other. It'd be happy, but that's not life, is it? Hell, I don't get along with everyone I come across and most of us have more of a social life at work, where we spend all our time, than anywhere else where we DON'T spend as much time.

I should get a fish. No, I shouldn't, I kill them too easily because I get annoyed at how much I have to clean up the damn tanks. I wonder if a bird would be different. My cat, Ellie, might like it. Hahaha! That'd be cute.

Colten's a fun guy. He's my cousin and we just chatted on FB, that's why he's on my mind.

My friend's son, Juno, is freakin' cute. His mother, Unhui, is a twig and you wonder how the HELL a baby came out of her. Juno is sucking on a little sucker. But he paused to look at me and smile. He's so cute. 10 months old. I'm going to go to his first birthday party. He's half Korean and their first birthdays are apparently a huge deal, so his is going to be the biggest party I've ever seen for a 1-year-old in my life. Fun times. He keeps staring at me and smiling when I look over at him. HE'S SO CUTE! He's the only baby in the world who's ever made me baby hungry.

Who am I kidding, I used to live to become a mother. Then things changed. Now I can't imagine it and it kinda freaks me out. But Juno makes me second-guess my second guess. He's so adorable.

I think I should go now. Seriously, this could get long, especially with how much energy I've got right about now. Ha. Ha, ha, ha. Oh boy, k, I'm done. 'tis gonna be sad when this energy dies down. Sure is fun while it lasts, though.

ADIOS!

Who Made up All the Rules?

I’ve come to a conclusion. Hollywood is bad, as much as I love it (and by “Hollywood,” I mean the whole media world). Think about it. Where do we get all of our ideas from?

-Normal weight is bad, uber skinny is good.
-All men are afraid of commitment, no women are.
-Everything (and I mean everything) must be fast-paced. There is nothing good about slow. Even the shows about the future are more fast-paced than today is, forcing onto us the expectation of speeding up even further as we go along.
-FBI, CIA and other government jobs are high-action and highly secretive, therefore highly entertaining and should be highly sought after.
-Obese people should be made fun of.
-There are conspiracies everywhere.
-Personality doesn’t matter. It’s all in the looks.

I could go deeper and less obvious. What about faithfulness? There are movies and TV shows out there that suggest that, once someone is married, it’s still possible for them to find “true love.” Um. Hi. Why didn’t they just wait to get married until they were sure that they loved the person? And once they were sure, why did they decide that it wasn’t enough? I swear, nobody realizes anymore that “true love” takes work. The story doesn’t end when you find it – that’s only the beginning. There will be hills to climb and battles to fight for the rest of your lives after finding each other. But from what I hear, if you stick together and fight side-by-side, it’s well worth it. We need some movies of people doing just that for once, rather than simply finding each other and that’s the end.

As for our conception of beauty, I won’t even get into that except to say, how many people are bulimic, anorexic, depressed, obsessed, and just don’t see themselves for who they really are because of Hollywood’s standards for beautiful?

And what about the men? I think they get some kind of idea of how they should act from the ideas that the media plants in our heads. For instance: non-committal, heartless, insensitive, violent, devoid of emotion, after one thing, etc, etc, etc. Any guy who doesn’t meet that description must not be a real man. If he cries, he’s a wuss. If he’s not afraid of commitment, he’s hiding something. If he’s sensitive, he’s girly and undesirable. If he prefers the arts over sports, he’s gay. The guy in the chick flick that comes around and wants romance and the girl is “nonexistent.” I am most definitely guilty of this frame of mind – I see guys as very predictable and one-track-minded. Which, for all I know, they are. But if that's true, would it be because of the influences in our lives and the way they are now expected to act? Or do we write according to what we see, suggesting that they truly are that way? Or is it a cycle where we exaggerate what we see for dramatic effect, thus inspiring more to be as we wrote, creating the need to be more dramatic in our writings, causing a more frightening inspiration for those who watch and read?

If that is the case (and I suspect it is because things are getting worse and so is the media), we are digging a deeper and deeper hole for ourselves. None of us are seeing reality for what it is. We prefer the escape. If life doesn’t go as we see it go for so many others who are putting on a show, we have a tendency to ignore it or run away or deal with it in some way unique to us but is ineffective nonetheless - such as actually acting out what we see.

We have lost sight of who we really are, what we’re really worth; assuming we ever saw it to begin with. Even if we didn’t, I do believe that we at least had a better idea than we do now. We are so much more than the shapes of our bodies, the clearness of our skin, the color of our hair and our eyes. We’re more than our weaknesses, we’re more than someone else’s strengths. We’re more than the bad things that go on here, which seem to be the bulk of things we are told about. We are at the top of the animal kingdom, acting less than the lowliest of animals. Killing each other; raping; back stabbing; ridiculing; judging; fighting; mentally, emotionally, physically torturing each other. Where do we get off? We need to be who we really are, who we really can be! We need to stop letting people tell us who we are and make up our own minds of who we want to be, then act accordingly.

Perhaps one day we’ll get there. I believe that we can. We are humans. It is in our nature both to become what we can and yet to not make it that far. For now I’ll choose to believe in the best of us and hope to God that something happens to help us succeed. Because we obviously can’t do it on our own. We prefer to stick to what the media feeds us and make that our reality. And although there can be good in there, we tend to focus on the negative and damaging, which is getting us nowhere.

Energy Energy Energy

You know what I love? Betcha can’t tell by the title and picture. ENERGY DRINKS! Actually, it’s a love/hate relationship. I hate them because they NEVER work on me, unless I have not had them more than once. Sometimes, sometimes the first time I have an energy drink, it will wake me up and make me excitingly hyper and that's when I love them. Cheers to that! However, more than once and they start to actually put me to sleep. It’s a strange phenomenon.

The only energy drink I’ve found that works consistently so far is Redline. Whew! Now there’s an energy drink! One of those things makes me shake and tremble if I have nowhere to put the energy. Like, if I’m sitting at my desk at work and can’t go walking or something. Then it takes energy just to focus on my typing. One time I took two of those things within an hour of each other. Baaaad idea. Seriously. My hands were so visibly shaking I felt like an idiot. Every time I used a muscle, it shook every muscle connected to it. I tried to sit still and not move one part of me unless absolutely necessary. I hugged my brother hello that day when he got home (I was visiting my parents’ place and took the drinks for the tiring one hour drive) and he said he could actually feel me shaking. It was pretty bad.

I had half a Monster Khaos this morning and HELL’S YEAH! I am having fun today! So far. Until I start to come down off of it…which, btw, I can already feel happening. Sad. I’ve never had a Monster before, so that’s why I’m having so much fun right about now. Ha. I am, however, running out of options. Soon I will have sampled every energy drink known to mankind and will have no hope of waking up when needed. Such a bleak future. Ah well. Until then, I’ll just have fun with what I’ve got. Plus, I’ve still got time until Redline is no longer working for me. GO REDLINE!

Adventures to Missouri

This weekend, I had the worst road trip experience I've ever had in my entire life. However, it was all for a good cause; one which was definitely worth it. ...just...don't ask me to do it again.

I travelled with a guy I've been friends with for years. We've fallen in and out of touch throughout those years, so it's not like we were "so close" or anything. I had no other options available to me but him pretty much. We shall call him Jack. (Apparently I like that name.)

Whilst on the 36-hour-driving-plus-however-many-hours-spent-on-breaks-and-sleeping road trip, I HAD to vent. So I deleted him from my Facebook friends and vented on Facebook. This is one of the notes I created and peoples' responses to it. I deleted it from there because I told "Jack" I'd accidentally deleted him instead of someone else and will be re-adding him as soon as my computer at home is set back up. If I'm going to do that, I had to get rid of all mean-ness. So I am moving it to my blog. Please. Do enjoy.

*************

Ok, so I decided to write about my adventures of annoyance this weekend just in case I was overexaggerating things. I'd like some feedback to see if I'm just too easily annoyed and need some help. If I am justified in my feelings, I of course would be pleased; but it is not necessary to say so if it is not true. Thank you for your assistance.

I'm am on an 18 hour road trip with a friend named Jack. A good guy, generally speaking, but one who, generally speaking, lacks good ideas for social interacting.

First of all, I like the occasional 80's song, okay? But consistently? Oy! Can't. STAND it! Yet he's stuck on it like it's all he's got left! "This was my favorite song in 1st grade!" he exclaims, turning it up even louder. I cringe, ready to plug in my earphones and block him out for the rest of the night. These are the only cd's he's got in his car, as he puts in one after the other filled with 80's pop, bobbing his head up and down to the various beats.

Okay, insert this real quick: "Alaina, look really close right there. You see that? Right there," pointing ahead.
"What?" I ask.
"Look right there as far ahead as you can!"
"What about it?"
"You see that?"
"See what?!"
"The back of your head! It's so flat you can see the back of your head, you see that? Haha! Get it? You can see so far ahead of you?"

Back to my story. I get several texts last night. Guess he gets annoyed that he's not my only center of attention. 
"Who's that?"
"Kristi."
"What does Kristi have to say?"
Is it any of your business? "Um...she went to Lagoon today?
"Oh fun!"
Next text. "Who's that?"
Omg. "Colten."
"What'd he say?" And a Christmas song comes on that he turns up.

He decides to pay for a cheap motel; nice of him, to be sure! Asks what time we're leaving in the am. 6:30, I tell him, bc of what time we need to be there. He asks if I have an alarm and I told him I'd already set it. "Groovy," he says.

I go to bed, he goes to take a shower. When he gets out, I'm half asleep. He comes over to me, "You asleep?"
"Well, I kinda was."
"Sleeping baby," he says in a very baby-talk voice, rubs my shoulder and kisses my cheek. He goes back into the bathroom area and finishes getting ready for bed before he turns in.

4:00 am. "You awake?"
For REAL??! "Now I am."
"Is it time to go yet?"
"No...the alarm hasn't gone off."
"Oh, okay."
4:15 he laughs really loud. I open my eyes and see him sitting up in his bed facing me. CREEPY!! WHAT the hell!
4:30 I scratch my nose and he laughs again and sits back up. "You awake?"

I ignore him this time and go back to holding still. Next thing I know, he is literally right in my face, saying "hello?" or something. I don't know. I just turn my head away from him and get so pissed off I couldn't go back to sleep. On top of that, he starts trying to shake me awake. WHAT THE EFF??

Now he's asking me what I'm writing and he won't drop it. "Is that your journal? What you writin'? I'm interested now!"

Freak!

We stop at a gas station this morning for food. I get a muffin. In the car a piece of it falls in my lap. He sees it out of the corner of his eye and gasps loudly! Seriously? "Are you okay?" he asks very concernedly. No. No I'm not. That tiny piece of bread broke my femer bone and now I must be rushed to the hospital, dang it! Road trip prolonged.

Now he's talking politics and comparing Jesus to Obama and others who were for change. "Everyone who was for change has gotten assasinated. I think Barak Obama's next. Even Jesus Christ tried to change things up and He got killed."

He reads almost every sign aloud.

As we took off this morning he confirms that we had 11 hrs left. I said yes. "Soooo fuuuun! Definitely journal entry time!" [insert weird sound effect meant to demonstrate writing] "About 5 pages would be good."

What the crap are you going to write about? You've been the only one talking. We've listened to 1 genre of music. You say every piece of scenery looks like Texas. And you had insomnia! What could possibly be 5 pages worth?

Kay, I'm done venting for now. Let me know if I am just making a big deal out of nothing. I am honestly in no position to be able to tell. My vision is WAY too blurred by this irritation.

Hope everyone is having a better weekend than I am!
Oh and PS, he is no longer a FB friend, so there is no risk of him seeing this note...heh.

Kelly
Well the 80's music would have been enough for me!! Why didn't you change it!?

Jessica
i would have smacked him for messing with me while i was trying to sleep

Alisha
Yeah, um. I would have probably shot him by now. So if it is up to me, you're definitely justified in being annoyed. (Is this the same Jack who told me I was going to hell for playing bubble bobble? If so, you're a better woman than me)

Alaina
It's his car, so I didn't think I had the right to change the music.
And yeah. Verrry tempted toward physical violence ;)

Colten
Man. apart of me is WISHING I would've just stuck it to the man, and come along! Then again. . . I don't know if we would feed off each others PATIENCE. . . or rip that poor boy to shreds in HALF the time.
Hmm. . . Well! I'm excited to hear about the remaining 11 hours!!!
You'll have to keep us updated :D Sympathizing you. . .

Brionna
Wow...you are completely justified in being annoyed.

Tanya
OMG Alaina! HAHHAH!! Hollywood cannot write that kind of stuff!

Alaina
Ok everyone, I have an announcement to make. 1st of all, yes Alisha.
It is the same Jack. But mostly, my trip just got better - I gave him Tylenol PM in a Gatorade drink and took over the driver's seat.
Life just got a whole lot easier! LOL!!! I'd like to thank my cousin for the idea. You're the best ever!

Brionna
HAHA! You're evil! Thats awesome. =)

Rachael
Sneaky sneaky...whose idea was the trip, anyway? Just curious. Glad things are going better...hope it's not short lived.

Robert
You what!!!! You are genius!!! Wow, I.. wow, i'm sorry to hear about all your problems with this man, but it just made my night.. I"m crying, from laughing so hard. Wow... Oh, and I would of shot the dude already.

Colten
HAHAHAHA, pretty swaz thinking there!!! Kudos ;)

Mina

I, my friends, am getting the most adorable kitten in the world! Just look:



Is she not SOOO beautiful!?!? She’s a Persian and will be absolutely gorgeous when she grows up! One of those rich cats that you see in the millionaires’ homes in the movies. Yeah. I’m gonna be a millionaire. Ha. Not so much, but I’ll have a beautiful cat. And a very loving cat, from the sounds of it.

Her name is going to be Mina. It's Korean for "beautiful." It's also a Japanese name. I like taking oriental words and tweaking them for names for my animals. One of my cats was named Nakai, derived from the Japanese word for "soft." Not anywhere near the actual word anymore, but it's where it stemmed from. But this word didn't need any tweaking at all.

I am driving to Missouri to get her and I think it’ll be so worth it. Hey. Road trip. That’s a bonus. My little brother will be coming with me and that will be quite fun methinks. I can’t describe my excitement.

I have been craving the companionship of a kitten for a couple to a few years now and the time is finally here! *sigh* Life is good. I am so happy!